Hookup Safety Tips with Sister Roma
On this episode of Stereotypes: Straight Talk From Queer Voices, host Christopher J. Beale sits down with Sister Roma, a prominent member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, to discuss hookup safety amid an increase in violence targeting queer individuals through hookup apps.
“I was scared for my community, and I was pissed off!” - Sister Roma
The Sisters, known for their activism and HIV/AIDS outreach since the late 1970s, launched a simple three-step safety campaign called Safety First, Sexy Second where they encourage you to: “Buddy Up, Hook Up, Follow Up.”
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TRANSCRIPT
Christopher J. Beale: Welcome to Stereotypes Straight Talk From Queer Voices. I'm Christopher Beale. This is the podcast where I give you a glimpse into queer news, culture, and history.
Sister Roma: It's nothing new for our community to be under attack.
Christopher J. Beale: That's Sister Roma. She's probably the most visible member of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence and the most photographed none in the world.
Christopher J. Beale: Look it up. The Sisters are this charitable organization that began in the late seventies and came into prominence during the AIDS epidemic of the eighties and nineties,
Sister Roma: and our focus has always been activism, fighting for civil rights, equality, and fundraising.
Christopher J. Beale: The sisters have a long history of going directly to the LGBTQ plus community when there's danger, not waiting for homophobic politicians to respond.
Sister Roma: The sisters were pioneers in hiv aids education and prevention. We did condom ministry outreach. We went into dark bars and talked to people who were physically stricken with hiv aids and just engage them in conversation.
Christopher J. Beale: So the other day I was walking through San Francisco's Castro neighborhood when I saw half a block down, uh, the smiling feathered visage, you can't miss it, of Sister Roma.
Christopher J. Beale: And she told me in no uncertain terms, we need to talk because Sister Roma has another warning for the community. That's this time on Stereotypes.
Christopher J. Beale: Right up front here. Nothing you're gonna hear us discuss on this episode is unusual. Since the cruising of the pre-cellphone era, then to websites and chat rooms and now apps that allow you to zero in on someone by location and have sex.
Christopher J. Beale: Gay people have done just that.
Sister Roma: And there's always been a certain amount of danger when it comes to hooking up with strangers.
Christopher J. Beale: But things seem to be getting even worse because it's not just queer people on these apps. In fact, a simple internet search results in dozens of headlines from all over the world of people who were lured somewhere for sex on an app and got beaten or had their bank accounts emptied. Or, worse.
Sister Roma: It's become where you can't really trust people are who they say they are on these apps. Because of the increased rhetoric and hate from the far right Christian nationalist regime, there's just become this feeling like, well, they're second class citizens. They don't deserve rights, and why should we not go ahead and just beat 'em up and steal their money?
Sister Roma: Like it's honestly, I feel like that has a, is a huge part of it. So I was. Worried about my community and I was pissed off.
Christopher J. Beale: This might go without saying, but you don't want to piss off a gay nun.
Sister Roma: Again, our community finds ourselves in a situation where we have to correct this ourselves because nobody else is gonna do anything about it.
Sister Roma: I got together with my sister, Shelita Corndog and I said, girl, it, we've gotta do something. We have to start a campaign, and it has to be about how to use those apps more safely.
Christopher J. Beale: So what the sisters came up with is a simple three step plan for how to hook up. Have fun and get home safe. Let's jump through these starting with step one.
STEP ONE - BUDDY UP
Sister Roma: You have to buddy up. You have to find someone that you trust that isn't going to judge you. Someone who you can share screenshots with. Someone who you can tell, I'm hooking up with this person. Here is their picture. Here's a screenshot of their profile. Share your location so that this buddy knows where you are.
Christopher J. Beale: Okay? That might feel weird to you, and Roma gets that. She also. Says, get over it.
Sister Roma: Don't be ashamed. You have to have some, at least one good Judy, one person that you can trust, right? Yeah. And this is actually a practice that sex workers have used for a long time. You, it is just not smart to not have someone who doesn't know where you are.
Christopher J. Beale: So after you've shared your location and screenshots of the person you're gonna meet with your good Judy, then you get to move on to step two.
STEP TWO - HOOKUP
Christopher J. Beale: Now, step two is obviously the fun one. You hook up with the cute guy from the app. I don't need to explain that, do I? Good.
STEP THREE - FOLLOW UP
Christopher J. Beale: Step three.
Sister Roma: After hooking up, the next step is to follow up and just let your friend know.
Sister Roma: Yeah, we, we'd hit it and it was great. We're all good. Just as simple as that. And then if your buddy doesn't hear from you, if things start to look weird or go off and you, you send a text message, then there's somebody who knows, has information about where you are and who you were meeting. Should the need for that arise.
Christopher J. Beale: It reminds me of during the AIDS crisis, sort of the, the act of reducing shame to save lives. I think a lot of people hook up in secret. They don't want anybody up in their business, you know? Right.
Sister Roma: Which is fine, you know, I mean, I get it. There's a certain something titillating about that too. Sure. Like that's totally fine.
Sister Roma: But we've reached a point in history, society, whatever you wanna call it, where it can be dangerous. We just want people to, to be smart about it.
Christopher J. Beale: Remember, if you're gonna meet a stranger buddy up, hook up and follow up. For more information on safety first, sexy second, including videos and lots of community resources head to the sisters.org/safety first.
Christopher J. Beale: Sister Roma, thanks for taking time to sit down and chat with me.
Sister Roma: Thank you so much.
Christopher J. Beale: This episode of Stereotypes was written and produced by me, Christopher Beale special thanks to KQED and KALW in the San Francisco Bay area for the production support and to the Queer Power Hour on 91.7 FM KALW for playing Stereotypes.
Christopher J. Beale: The show. All past episodes are available on demand at Stereotypespodcast.org, or wherever you listen to podcasts. I'm Christopher Beale on Instagram and BlueSky @RealChrisJBeale, and you will not believe the next two guests ahead on this podcast. Wild Times on Stereotypes. I'll catch you next time. Bye for now.
